Good intentions do not always equal
obedience. God desires obedience not
sacrifice. Coming to Thailand is a
sacrifice, doing His will instead of my own, regardless of what my intentions
may be for doing it my way, is obedience.
In 1 Samuel 15, God has Samuel go
to King Saul and tell him to wipe out the Amalekites and everything that
belongs to them. He tells him to leave
nothing behind. Saul however spares the
best cattle from the battle and brings it to sacrifice to the Lord. Saul thought his intentions were good but he
didn’t obey God and God saw his disobedience as “evil in the sight of the
Lord.” “The Lord regretted that He had
made Saul King over Israel.”
THE SACRIFICE:
I spent the
month of November praying and fasting about my future in Thailand. The whole goal for the last half of 2015 was
to learn Thai, learn about the culture, network, get advice from people, and
find ministries to partner with and serve. I have done what I was asked. Each ministry I have connected with has been
such a blessing from God in it’s own unique way and I have been blessed by
serving them. The longer I am in
Thailand the more I see the hand of God using me here.
Now it is
time to make a decision for the future. From
the talks that I have had with very wise people who are extremely knowledgeable
of everything Thai; as well as what it takes to be a missionary, I have come to
the conclusion that 2016 will not be the year I start ministry on my own. I believe God wants me to commit the next 4-5
years to learn. When the time is right
He will call me to the vision I have for Thailand, if it is even a vision from
Him at all. Maybe that vision will
change. What matters most is that I
surrender my will for how I want to do missions, for His desire to see me do
missions. Jesus spent 30 years preparing
for 3 years of ministry. I got a lot to
learn and I am willing to SACRIFICE my way for this new realization.
One of the things I keep hearing over and
over again is the importance of partnerships with those already established in
Thailand. Missions, like everything else,
is something that must happen naturally. It is like a fruit bearing tree. What I mean by that is the year the tree is
planted is not the year it will bear fruit.
It takes 5-7 years before that tree begins to bear fruit. The same holds true with missions. It must be cultivated in the beginning and
there is a lot of learning that takes place. The roots need to grow and be deep in the ground so the storms will not unexpectedly uproot it. Until the sprout becomes a full size tree it needs to be surrounded by other larger plants that can protect it from the storms until it is ready to be on its own. This past 6 months was me being planted and watered. Now I'm a little sprout is popping out of the
ground and I’m beginning to grow.
THE OBEDIENCE:
I arrived in Korea the 8th
of December to do some missions training but shortly after my arrival I was
asked to consider a different path. This
new path has totally blindsided me, coming out of no where, and it’s playing on
my greatest fears, causing me to think and behave in ways contradictory to the
lessons I have learned this year. My
head and heart want 2 different things and I cannot for the life of me get them
in sync. My intentions for not wanting
to do this, however good they may seem, are honestly wrapped up in a blanket of
pride and because of that I know my way is not right.
I have spent hours of prayer,
worship, fasting, crying and advice seeking trying to grasp my mind around and
understand what has happened since my arrival, only to wake up everyday in the
same place I was the day before. My soul
refuses to be consoled. My pride is preventing my heart from doing what my mind
knows is right, submitting. My naïve and
narrow thinking is complicating things, preventing me from seeing God as my
Provider, and scaring me to run away from the dream I have finally been able to
obtain. My fears are telling me I’ll never measure up and eventually every
relationship will end with me rejected and abandoned. These fears are causing me to respond in ways
that are hurting those who do care about me.
All of a sudden OBEDIENCE doesn’t look as easy as it did before.
But today I was reminded that I
have hope. When the world tells me to give up, hope whispers “try it one more
time.” That hope comes from the one who
is Almighty over all. The one who is
greater than my fears, greater than my shame, greater than my mistakes, greater
than my pain. That hope gives me the
power to make the right choice and have the right mindset about my situation! That hope gives me the power to look my real
enemy in the eye and tell him “no more!” That hope will console my broken and
hurting soul! That hope will allow me to forgive! That hope will change the way
I think, from believing lies to believing the TRUTH! That hope will never leave me abandoned! I
declare it in Jesus Mighty Name.
From this day forward, this
circumstance will no longer defeat me! I
am not a slave to my fears because I am a child of a God who is bigger than
they!! I will choose obedience, no
matter how hard it will be, and I will abide in the presence of the Almighty,
where hope flourishes and joy never ceases.
It’s time for me to surrender my pride and listen to the advice I have
been giving others this year. It doesn’t
matter what I do on the mission field if I’m not being obedient. I don’t want
God to regret sending me the way He regretted making Saul King. Today I choose
humility over pride, obedience over sacrifice, joy over grief, and hope over despair.
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as
much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is
better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” `1 Samuel
15:22
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